Done
by Khyharah
Summary: A person can only take so much before they break. Emily has reached her limit. A O/S companion to "Meanwhile" and "The Inequity of a Kiss".


A/N: This originally started out as a songfic for "All of Nothing" by O'Town. Yeah I know, hush. It kinda evolved from there and I'm mostly satisfied with where I landed. This goes along with my other oneshots "Meanwhile", "Deadhead Sticker", and "Meanwhile". I kinda have a small obsession with Sam/Emily/Leah. Enjoy.

**DONE**

Enough was honestly enough. You would think after all this time, he would have given her memory a rest, but I can always tell when he's been thinking about her.

The far off look.

The twitching fingers.

Most of the time we are ok. Life flows easily between the pack, keeping them fed, helping around the reservation and council responsibilities. Keeping track of five teenaged shape shifters and managing to keep my sanity is hard enough. I shouldn't have to fight a memory too.

But I do almost every single day. There are triggers I know and try to avoid but sometimes it just can't be done. And I can't blame it all on him because I know if it weren't for the magic and the wolf, we probably wouldn't be where we are now.

And all at the expense of a person that I love like a sister.

I had spent many an hour talking with Leah about everything "Sam;" from the moment they met to their first date, first declaration of love, first time together. And then the first fight.

Sam had always been so even tempered according to Leah. But he started changing his senior year. He was quicker to anger, started wandering off at odd hours. She thought at first that he was cheating on her, but he continually swore on everything he had that he wasn't.

Then he disappeared for a month. He was just gone. Poof! No note, no sign of him, nothing!

Of course Leah and Allison were frantic. They searched for days for him to no avail. I spent long hours on the phone trying to talk Leah through it. She was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And then he returned.

I was there the night he finally returned. Leah had been pacing the floor in her bedroom trying to figure out her next step when the phone rang. It was Allison saying he had come home and was being cared for by the elders. She could see him tomorrow. As she hung up the phone, Leah collapsed in to my arms and I rocked her as she sobbed in relief.

I stuck around for a while. Nothing better to do here or in Neah Bay. Leah had gone to Sam the next day and they seemed to be ok. He wouldn't tell her where he had been or what he was doing though. Of course Leah was curious, but the relief of having him home again outweighed her suspicions for the time being.

He came over to the Clearwater's one night as we were preparing for a cookout. I was retrieving the last of the groceries from the car when Sam and Leah walked out of the house. She gave me a brief wave and said something about her and Sam taking a walk. I nodded to her and looked up at Sam.

As I met his eyes, I felt something snap. It was weird. I felt in that moment that my life was goingto change irrevocably. Sam kept staring at me for what seemed like an eternity. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leah stop where she was and call to him, but he wouldn't look away. Uncle Harry placed his hand on his arm. Sam startled out of his daze and said something to him. Uncle Harry called to me to go help Aunt Sue, so I continued into the house, though no less curious about the exchange that just took place.

I tried concentrating on the dinner preparations but my mind kept drifting to that look in his eyes and the connection I felt. It unsettled me and what made it worse was this tugging sensation I felt was leading me toward the forest. Was I supposed to be going to Leah for something?

I was bringing the prepped food to the grill where Uncle Harry was waiting, anxiously sucking on a beer bottle. He glanced at me with a tight smile on his face. He looked as if he wanted to say something when a mournful howl broke through the night.

I froze as I saw Leah come tripping out of the woods. Uncle Harry left the deck faster than I had ever seen him move. He made it just in time to catch Leah before she hit the ground. He wrapped her in his arms and was murmuring to her, asking what had happened. Between her sobs, I managed to decipher a few words: "Sam" and "Over" and "NO".

The final word was spat with emphasis as she shoved her father away from her and turned back towards the forest and began screaming profanities and curses all ending with Sam's name. I know my eyes were wide; I was shocked at my cousin's behavior. Her body was tense, fists clenched tight, her long ebony hair blew in the slight breeze, practically crackling with energy in her fury. I finally understood her words.

"DAMN YOU SAM ULEY! You took EVERYTHING from me! EVERYTHING! My HEART, my SOUL, I gave them to YOU and you just THROW THEM AWAY! I am NOTHING WITHOUT THEM! What am I supposed to do now?!" That last bit was said almost in a whisper as she fell to her knees, her head falling into her hands. Her shoulders shook with sobs and I felt my heart beat hard in my chest, hurting for her like I never had before. I left the deck and fell in front of her, gathering my strong warrior cousin into my arms and just let her fall apart.

Days passed in much the same fashion. Leah was there physically, but mentally I knew she was falling apart. We remained at her house, just going through the motions. I helped her as best I could but I felt so helpless. And there was not a damn thing I could do about it. Well except one thing: confront one Sam Uley.

I marched up to his home determined to have either answers as to why he destroyed someone he professed to love or his nuts on a platter. I wasn't picky either way. I knocked loudly on the door and waited impatiently for him to answer. Finally he did, head down, feet shuffling. I could literally feel the tension rolling off of him in waves.

"What?"

I just gaped at him. What?! That's all he to say? "What the hell do you mean 'What?'?! Sam Uley you had better march down to the Clearwater's and beg forgiveness from that woman. Do you have ANY idea what you have done to her? She is SHATTERED, a million pieces just lying on the ground that I CANNOT PICK UP!"

He just kept his head down, not daring to look me in the eye. He knew I was telling the truth. He knew his ending his relationship with Leah destroyed the woman we all knew he loved.

"Look, Emily, it's really not…."

"Oh no Sam, you do not get to get to say it's not my business, it's not my concern, it's not what I think. I don't want any bull shit excuse for breaking my cousin's, no my SISTER'S heart! You owe her more than what you said to her. She needs real reasons, ones that she can reconcile in her heart. You gave her NOTHING!"

He's still avoiding my eyes and it was starting to get on my nerves.

"You," I poked his chest for emphasis, "are the only one that can fix this. Only you know your reasons and can deliver them to the person that deserves them more than anyone."

Still not looking at me, not even shuffling his feet any more. He's just standing there stoic with his hands in his pockets.

"Dammit Sam! Leah's supposed to be the strong one and you destroyed her in a matter of moments. All she knew, all she planned for her life and future, GONE in an INSTANT at YOUR discretion!"

His shoulders began to shake and I noticed the tension in his arms as he pulled his hands from his pockets, fists clenched tightly.

"You think I wanted this?" His voice was quiet and gravelly as he spoke to the ground. "There are some things that are out of my control and I can't honestly explain. So sorry, but I can't do what you or she want me to do."

He finally looked up and I could see the sorrow and anger all over his face. His mouth was set in a grim line, pain creased in his features. When his eyes finally met mine, I saw sincerity, despair, and awe. It was the last one that kept my eyes focused on him. I hadn't seen him since that night and for some reason I felt lost in his gaze. I never noticed how dark brown, almost black they were. I felt like I was falling into them and found myself stepping closer and wanting to touch him. He seemed to have the same idea and the feel of his fingers on my cheek broke the spell.

I shook my head clearing the fog that seemed to have settled over it. "I'm returning to Neah Bay tomorrow. I hope that you do the right thing for once in your life." I turned and quickly made my way to my car. He called my name repeatedly, but I ignored it and drove away.

That was the first night I dreamed of the black wolf.

It was strange but the wolf never approached, just sat and looked at me as if I was some kind of curiosity. I felt stripped in front of him, like he knew all my secret thoughts and hopes. Like the time I cheated on the final exam for senior English or every time I passed the Salvation Army buckets at Christmas time and didn't drop money in. It was disconcerting to say the least.

I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head the next morning while Uncle Harry implored me to stay a few more days. I refused saying I was needed back home. There wasn't much else I could do for Leah, it was all up to her at this point. Unless Sam came to his senses, I feared greatly for my cousin's sanity.

He came the first night I was home.

When I answered the knock on the door at eight that night, I was shocked. It was raining and he was soaked. "What the hell Sam?!" was the only thing I could think of to say. He just stared at me for a moment. "Emily, there are things I need to tell you, things you need to understand about what has happened over the past several weeks. I can't explain them to Leah for reasons that are honestly beyond me, but I respect my elder's wishes." I just stared at him dumbfounded. "But you can explain them to me? That doesn't make any sense." His head dropped and hands clenched. "I know it doesn't but I really need to get this out. Please?"

I studied him for a moment. "Fine, you have 30 minutes. That's it."

So we sat on the front porch as he wove tales of wolves and cold ones and shape shifting. To say I was skeptical was an understatement but then he showed me his wolf. It was the black wolf I had dreamed of. I couldn't believe it but then again, I had to.

When he got to the part about imprinting I freaked. I was the reason he broke up with Leah? I was the cause of my cousin's heartbreak? I couldn't fathom these instant feelings he had for me. The only thing I knew about this man was second hand from the woman he loved.

I sent him home that night. I had to think on what he said. I told him he could return if only to satisfy the ache he explained he would feel being away from me.

He returned every night for a month. Eventually word got round to Leah. That was not a pleasant phone call. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't like that, I was trying to dissuade him and get him to go back to her, but of course she didn't believe me.

Then came that fateful night. I ordered him away from me and back to Leah. He refused. He knew he couldn't be with Leah, the imprint wouldn't let him. I knew his feelings for her never left. It was in the wistful way he said her name from time to time or the faraway look he got when I tried to convince him to go back to her. He often said he wished it could be that easy. But I had enough. I screamed at him in frustration, told him he was just like his father running away from responsibilities.

He phased while his hand was on my shoulder.

The scars on my face and shoulders are proof that legends are real.

While I was in the hospital, I had time to think. I decided what the hell. Why shouldn't I try this out? I knew that we would be together, the magic of imprinting had seen to that. I would accept this for what it was, even to the detriment of my relationship with the woman I called sister. Maybe with time I could relieve some of the guilt. Maybe he'll forget about her and learn to love me wholly. And I was tired. I was tired of his begging, I was tired of feel guilt for things that were out of my control. I just wanted to be happy.

So I called him to my bedside and explained it to him. I was done fighting it. We would see where this imprint lead and figure it out if not just for our sake but for the sake of others that may find themselves imprinted. He started the tradition of kissing my scars before my lips that day. It was the first time he kissed me.

I didn't know how much I would regret that decision.

As time went by and the pack grew, I became comfortable in our relationship and in my place in his life. With each additional pack member, our grocery bill grew, but so did my heart. I grew to love not only Sam, but all the boys. And that's what they were: boys who needed some love after getting thrust into a situation that was beyond normal human comprehension. I was content, complacent. Not happy per say, but just plugged along. Of course I noticed Sam's hesitance upon occasion when we would do things in public. He was constantly checking around to see who was watching. I knew he was worried about Leah finding out whatever he was doing. No matter the magic of the imprint, he felt he was cheating on her still. And my resentment just grew every day.

When Leah phased, it was naturally extremely awkward, but I tried my best to make it work for Sam's sake as much as hers. No, she didn't make it easy and I could see the same look of longing in her eyes when she thought no one else was watching. It was only matched by the look in Sam's eyes. They never made direct eye contact, always just missing each other's glances.

But I saw them. I pretended I didn't, but I saw each and every one and it only fueled my regret and resentment.

And honestly, I was done watching him pine for a love that could never be.

He doesn't think I know what he's thinking about on his "broody" nights, especially after we make love. I know he thinks of her, compares it. I watch him as night after night he twirls the knife she gave him in his hands.

I'm tired of coming in second. I thought I was doing the right thing by accepting this imprint. Now? Seeing him sitting on the porch, staring into the forest where I know _she_ probably just sat? I can't justify it any more. As much as I love my pack family and I love Sam, I can't continue like this. I love them all enough to let Sam go and be free from a bond he never wanted.

So I gave up.

"Sam," my voice is barely a whisper but I know he heard me. His head whipped around and looked at me. "I'm done Sam. I can't fake this anymore, I know you're tired of it too. We have hurt each other and we have hurt someone we both claimed to love. I'm not ignorant to the way both of you felt and still feel. I'm done fighting a memory. I love you, I love our pack family, but it's time I did something for me. Please tell the boys that I love them and will miss them immensely. I release you Sam, I can no longer accept you as my mate. You are free from our bond."

I felt it in that moment. The tightness in my chest that I had been living with and didn't even realize it was gone. My vision cleared and shoulders relaxed. I saw the same changes in Sam. He looked for a moment to be completely at ease for the first time since I saw him after his disappearance. Was it really that simple? All I had to do was say a few words and we were free?

Son of a bitch.

His eyes widened as the reality of what I just said sank in. He stood and stared at me for a moment before a joyous laugh escaped his mouth. Without even a second thought, he took off into the forest, stripping bare without a backwards glance to me. My heart fell into the deepest part of my stomach. No matter how I knew he felt or how I felt, it was still painful to be rejected so abruptly and so completely. I had expected SOME kind of resistance, but I suppose I really shouldn't have. It was really that easy. There was no tug to him and he apparently felt no pain or remorse. Should have done this so long ago and saved us all the trouble.

I picked up my suitcase and returned to Neah Bay. I was well and truly done.


End file.
